


With a Special Guest Appearance by Donald Trump as Marilyn Monroe

by ColorWithMarker



Series: The Ballad of Sharon and Tony [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Immaturity, Team Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-07-11 02:14:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7022383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColorWithMarker/pseuds/ColorWithMarker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wherein Tony and Sharon find adult coloring books, they happen to be the two least mature people in the tower, Sam and Natasha have to color this certain picture, and Steve has something to cross off his list.</p>
            </blockquote>





	With a Special Guest Appearance by Donald Trump as Marilyn Monroe

Sam, Natasha, and Steve returned from their weekly group workout session wanting nothing more than to plop down on the couches on the communal floor and space out watching movies. When they arrived, they instead found Tony and Sharon laying on the couches… coloring.

“Why are you coloring a chicken purple?” Sam asked as he leaned around Tony to see his handiwork.

“We went out and found these adult coloring books,” Tony explained without looking up.

“They’re basically the greatest thing ever,” Sharon said. She swapped a yellow marker for orange and went back to coloring a very detailed fairy’s dress. “You can join if you want. We bought ten books.”

Natasha picked up the untouched pile and wrinkled her nose at them. “What’s the appeal of them? You could just get kids’ coloring books for a cheaper price,” she said.

“They’re meant as a mean to calm down when you’re stressed. I think that a bunch of superheroes could really use them,” Tony said. He reached for one of the books and threw it to Sam, who caught it between his hands. “Thought you’d like this one.”

“A Donald Trump coloring book? Why would I – is he sitting on the Iron Throne?” Sam held out the book to Steve, who didn’t know what Sam meant, and Natasha, who started flipping through the pages with Sam with a curious expression.

“I thought we were finally gonna watch _Mad Max_ ,” Steve said.

“But I wanna color Trump as Marilyn Monroe,” Natasha said with a slight pout.

“We don’t have to watch the movie today. I’m just saying that–”

Before Steve could finish the sentence, Sam and Natasha took up the third couch and colored in a picture together. Sharon and Tony remained undisturbed and colored as if no one else was there. Steve sighed. He hated when people backed out of solid plans. They promised him two weeks ago when Tony bought the DVD after they finished their last mission in France. He sat on the floor by the coffee table and picked up a coloring book with 1950s fashion.

* * *

 

These coloring books were too damn difficult.

There were some pages, though few and far between, that were very simple. The others had intricate designs to color, and Steve grew a little more frustrated when the marker bled over the line into the next bit. The colored pencils weren’t much better, either. He seemed to be the only one who wasn’t enjoying himself. Meanwhile, Sam put the colored picture of Trump posed as Marilyn Monroe with the skirt flying up on the fridge with a Mjolnir magnet holding it in place.

On his way back to the couch, Sam noticed a certain book hiding under the cushions Tony was laying on, and he yanked it out before someone could protest. “You picked up an Avenger’s coloring book?” he asked.

“You, uh, weren’t supposed to find that,” Tony said quietly.

“What did you do?” Natasha asked. Steve looked up to see that she wasn’t looking at Tony, but at Sharon, who faked being innocent.

“I would never!” she insisted half-heartedly.

“Really?” Sam asked, holding out the book to a page with Hawkeye, only with poorly-drawn wings added to him.

“That wasn’t me!” Sharon insisted. “I did the next page!”

Sam flipped to the next page and immediately rolled his eyes. “Really, Sharon? How old are you, ten?” Steve’s eyes widened at the picture of Iron Man, fully colored in pink, but with penises drawn on the front of the armor in black marker.

“It’s not like he isn’t a dick,” Sharon said, as if that was all the justification she needed. Tony didn’t argue, just nodded and shrugged.

Sam flipped to the next page and sighed. He looked at Tony this time. “Et tu, Brute?”

Tony looked up at the picture of Cap, coloring in red and yellow with a drawn penis hanging from the star on the shield. “In my defense, that’s a dildo. Much more PG-13 than what Sharon did.”

“Then why does it have white stars shooting out from the tip?” Natasha asked, tilting her head to the side as she looked at the drawing. Steve groaned and covered his face with his coloring book.

“Until we have scientific proof, you can’t tell me that – what the hell, did you just spray me? I’m not a cat!” Tony wiped off his face as Sharon put away the spray bottle of water back under the couch, struggling to contain her laughter.

Sam flipped to the next page and he burst into laughter. Everyone watched with wide eyes as he fell to the floor with tears rolling down his face. Tony peered over Sam’s shoulder and grinned. Natasha took the book from him and smiled.

“Someone has been reading their mythology,” she said. Steve looked at the coloring book. The picture of Thor, in his usual pose of getting near to striking someone with Mjolnir, had been redone so he was wearing a white wedding dress, with Mjolnir as a bouquet of tulips.

“They’re the only flowers I can draw,” Tony said. He pointed at the tiny bottle of white-out on the coffee table.

“Did Thor actually do that?” Sam asked Natasha, now calmed down, his cheeks red.

“Supposedly. I never got a straight answer on that,” she answered. She went through the next pages silently. “Am I not in this?”

“Uh…” Sharon and Tony said, looking at each other. Natasha didn’t look up, but Steve assumed that she could see them moving the things next to them away and moving into a crouching position, as if they were going to need to run.

When Natasha closed the book quickly and glared at them, Tony and Sharon scrambled from the couch and into the hall. One of the doors were slammed shut.

“Are you really going to attack them?” Sam asked.

“No, but I’ll humor them. It’s what they’re hoping for,” Natasha said. She stood and walked patiently into the hallway.

“What’d they do?” Steve asked.

“Beats me,” said Sam. They picked up the book and flipped to the one page with Natasha, where she was colored in appropriately, but also had a crudely drawn Hulk holding her open hand, with the words _NATASHA AND BRUCE SITTING IN A TREE, K-I-S-S-I-N-G_ and red hearts drawn around them.

“This is why children shouldn’t do adult things,” Sam said teasingly.

Steve smirked. He could hear Tony and Sharon chanting at Natasha, who pretended to threaten them. He guessed this was better than watching _Mad Max_. But it was still on his bucket list. At least now if someone suggested adult coloring books, he’ll be one step ahead of them.

**Author's Note:**

> The Donald Trump coloring book is a real thing, and the pictures described are in said book.


End file.
